-You still look pregnant after you give birth. I would say, after looking back at pictures, that after giving birth I still looked like I was 23 weeks along. Even after 6 weeks I think I have a permanent pooch, unless Shaun T can fix that for me (more on that later)
-Those first few weeks home are brutal, whether you gave birth or adopted, just having a newborn baby in your home you are in the trenches. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing at times and then other times I felt like a real mom. And then sometimes I felt like a real life zombie.
-At first I didn't even know how to do housework anymore, that took a while to work that back into my routine (Shout out to Cory's wonderful family that have come over and helped us with yard work quite a few times!! I have the best in laws ever!! And my wonderful mom who made sure we all had clean clothes to wear!)
-I knew I would have to get up to feed Adalyn several times a night, but the first few weeks I did not know that she would stay awake for like 2 hours! In the middle of the night! And she did that again last night after sleeping 5-6 hour stretches for the past couple weeks. I can just imagine her tiny little face looking up at me with these huge eyes shining in the dark, content as can be, but unwilling to sleep. Ha ha ha she is cute.
-I don't want everything to seem like it is sunshine and roses all day long, having a child is such a huge adjustment. I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. It is so, so hard, and at first it isn't even very rewarding because your baby can't smile yet. The only way she can communicate is by crying. So you feel like you make your baby cry all the time. But after that first smile you don't look back. And actually the cuddles are rewarding, if you have a cuddly baby.
-In the post about Adalyn's birth story I said that she was so good at nursing and latched on right away, which is true! But I didn't tell the whole truth, because I couldn't quite talk about it yet . .
disclaimer: to some this might sound petty and unimportant, but these are the struggles that I went through that were hard for me, I know a lot of people go through so so much more during pregnancy or when trying to become pregnant and I admire those women more than I can even say.
So, like I said Adalyn was really good at nursing right from the get-go. I had the lactation consultant teach me a few different ways to hold her, and we were set! The only problems we ever had were if I waited to long to feed her, she would get so upset that it would take her a while to calm down and latch on. The second and third night we were home were horrible. Adalyn ended up having pretty bad jaundice and had to be put on 2 billi lights, so she was attached to this glow worm machine and she screamed and wailed most of the night. At one point Cory and I laid her in her crib and just stared at her while she screamed (only for a minute or so)because we had no idea what to do. I would feed her and she would go to sleep for maybe 10-20 minutes and want to start eating again. During the day when she was awake, she was always cranky, always. The third night I had the thought 'well maybe I should give her some formula' but I immediately dismissed the thought because I would be failing if I gave in and gave her formula. I realize now that that was a selfish and I was only thinking about myself or what other people would think about me. The next day I called my cousin Natalee who is also Adalyn's cute nurse at the pediatricians office and I explained everything that was going on. I told her my milk still hadn't come in and it had been 4 days. She told me to nurse Adalyn first and then supplement with a little bit of formula. I guess it is pretty common for milk to not come in until 5 days after.
As soon as we gave Adalyn one ounce of formula she was a completely different baby. She was the sweet baby I had in the hospital! So we continued this routine for the next few days, and my milk still hadn't come in. So I called my Dr, I went to the hospital and talked to the nurses there, I called a lactation specialist who told me "Well this never happens, I have never had anyone go more than 8 days without their milk coming in, it always comes in." Which made me feel horrible! I was trying everything I could and nothing was working. I got on herbal supplements, I started nursing, bottle feeding and then watching an entire episode of Parenthood while pumping (it is NOT fun to pump for 40 minutes) and then getting maybe 1/2 an ounce. It was so frustrating, especially with still recovering from having her and I was constantly in tears about it.
By day 14 I think Cory and I had mostly decided to switch to just formula, which was so hard for me to accept. I felt like less of a woman, and less of a mother because I couldn't feed my baby! I know that sounds ridiculous but that is truly how I felt. I was angry that my breasts weren't working!! (sorry for the language ha ha). They have one function and one purpose and they weren't working!! I nursed her a few more times, mostly because I am dramatic and couldn't let go.
I think the reason I was so sad about it was because I loved nursing Adalyn and she was so good at it and I felt like I was wasting a talent! Plus, for me nursing was very special, it was time for me to bond with my baby. And even though I might be tearing up as I write this, I have found that bottle feeding her is just the same. I can still look into her eyes and talk to her or sing to her and I feel like I am having the same experience as I would have nursing. It just took me a while to realize that. It is also fun that Cory can feed her, or the other day my dad did and I think that was special for him. And really, the most important thing is that she is growing and developing normally. She is gaining weight just like she should and she is happy and so loved. Except right when I typed the word happy she let out a cry, ha ha. We add a probiotic to her formula once a day which helps her digest better and I am really happy with the results we are getting from using formula.
I really wanted to find out why my milk never came in, but I have come to learn that it happens to quite a few women, either with all their kids or just one. My grandma and great grandma went through the same thing, and hearing things like that makes me feel better, I am still getting over feeling like a failure, even though I know there was nothing I could do about it. I think as women we all struggle with feeling like a failure at something at one time or another (if it has to do with motherhood at least)
So anyways, that's my story and I feel so blessed that that is the only struggle I've had. It just totally blindsided me and it was something I never thought would happen. But I have learned a great lesson that I'm sure I needed ( I need to learn a lot of lessons) and there are great things about bottle feeding that I love, mostly that Cory can get up with her sometimes, haha!
-Anyways, onto a lighter note. I am saying this on my blog so I will be more accountable. I had my 6 week check up and everything is going pretty well, so CORY AND I STARTED INSANITY. Now we have to stick with it. We did the fit test and the first day of plyometric/cardio and we both almost died. Especially me since my ab muscles are non existent. But I love doing the work outs together! I really had to
-Another thing, my friend Nicole posted about sea salt spray on instagram, so I asked her where she got it and then got some for myself, and that stuff is awesome!! It adds nice texture to your hair.
-Cory is blessing Adalyn this Sunday and I am so excited to see her in her blessing dress!
